We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
