but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
