I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize