I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You can't special order awesome
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Your cock deserves a montage
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
