check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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