i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
