sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
