filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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