I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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