I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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