im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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