My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
