If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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