He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
