God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize