Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
