If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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