I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
