did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
