i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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