Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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