He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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