I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
