moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
