We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
