well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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