take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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