Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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