Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
