I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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