it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
