this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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