Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
