my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
