News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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