We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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