Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
