I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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