The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
