She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
