We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
