He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
