I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
