Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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