whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize