He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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