Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
