you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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