i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
