Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You need Xanax blowdarts
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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