Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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