And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
