I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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