We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
