I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
