I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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