Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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