My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
