So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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