Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
