He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
