Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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