i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
