Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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