normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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