Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
